Duh!

A friend visited home recently, and I happened to show him the jig-saw puzzle that I am working on. He was quite amazed with the work I had done, and then picked up a piece himself and said:

“Wow, this could go anywhere!”

Gee, thank you for the hint! I’ll make sure I’ll remember it!

And believe it or not, this is the second person to have told me this!

The Door

Today is a friend’s birthday. And starting today, I have decided to write a little something about my friends, on their birthdays - maybe about some stupid things they have done, or a silly trait they have. I guess this is a sure shot way to ascertain that I am left with no friends in exactly a year’s time!

So this post is about this girl I met a little over a year ago. She is an extremely funny character, always so full of energy, a complete chatter box and a maniac driver. Last year, she had reminded me about her birthday coming up, like everyday, for almost a month in advance. And in spite of it, she seemed extremely surprised when I actually wished her! (And oh, I am sure she would have killed me if I had not!)

Okay, so now coming to the stupid part (like all this wasn’t stupid enough already!) – she was, at most times, very scared to open this door. She said she used to get an electric shock every time she touched it. Yeah, like maybe the office guys had rigged the door or something, to prevent employees from leaving their seats during office hours! Now the door in question was a simple glass one, with an aluminium frame. And there was no trace of any electrical wiring within a mile of the door. So I had always felt that the electric shock thing was probably in her head!

Anyway, it had almost become like a hobby for me to watch her get through the door, and laugh at her!

So this one day I was walking to my seat, and had to open this door. I held the knob, and then – I got a jolt so bad, that I almost froze there! Forget just feeling it, I even heard it! And that is when I realised that it was static electricity! And oh, after that day, I was as scared as she used to be, when it came to opening that door!

Ah look at me; the intention of this post was to make my friend look stupid, but then, I have made myself look stupid! Well, it is after all her birthday today, and I think I ought to be nice, at least for a day!

Happy Birthday! Have a great year ahead!

Self-Motivation

Surprisingly, I get ample amount of free time these days, to do absolutely nothing. And instead of simply doing just that, I am here writing this post.

We guys at work have this little sports thing happening now. There is going to be cricket, badminton, table tennis, chess, among other things; but I am only going to be playing chess. Well, it is not like I am all that good when it comes to playing chess, nor it is like I am really bad at other sports. Actually speaking, the reason for this is quite simple - at the moment, I feel like a lazy bum!

Anyway, the last time I played chess with some serious competition was almost a year ago. So you can imagine how prepared I am for the upcoming games! And yeah, I did play a couple of games with my cousin, when he had had visited us last September, and this post is precisely about those two games!

Yeah, so we guys were just talking random stuff, when this guy spotted the chess board on my table. I think he was a bit in shock to learn that I played chess! The fact that he asked me if he could borrow it to play with his dad, reiterates my point! Anyhow, I wanted to get rid of him quick, so I gladly let him take it!

After beating his dad a few times he thought of inflating his ego, and so he asked me if I wanted to play a game. I really did not want to, but he pestered me long enough for me to finally agree. Well, as he was the guest and I the host, I tried to be nice and polite, and so - I intentionally lost the game!

Well, he should have simply shut his mouth and gone about doing his own stuff, but no – he did some sort of a weird victory dance, and then went around the entire place and told everyone about having beaten me! And he did not stop at that – he even went outside and told this to my neighbours! Can you believe that?!

He did have some learning to do, and I was more than willing to help him with it! I called him back for another game, and beat him so bad, so quick, that he went running back to his mother! And of course, I too went around the house and told everyone about beating him! Well, I did not tell my neighbours, but to compensate, I did tell about it to my dogs!

Hah, now that is motivating, right?! Yeah, now I am all charged up to beat these guys at work! So, bring it on!

And hey, have I mentioned that my cousin is eleven years old?!

Direction Control

Lately, I have been trying to do things differently, and not follow a routine. This post is a result of that experiment. There isn’t anything interesting happening at the moment, so I am writing about this incident that took place quite a while ago.

So this one day, the three of us met up for lunch. One of them is a super-hyper-active character, who has the weirdest of answers to any question that you may throw at him! Mid way this guy got a phone call. This is what followed after he hung up.

Guy 1: I am going to Coorg this weekend and meeting up with a few friends. And from there, we are going to a forest reserve. I heard that there are tigers there.

Guy 2: (obviously looking for some cheap entertainment!) What would you do if you would come face to face with a tiger?

Guy 1: If I see a tiger, I would piss on its face!

Guy 2: If you do that, I am sure you would never be able to piss again!

Me: Correction – You would be able to piss, but I guess you would loose out on direction control!

Okay, so I realise now that it would have been better off if I had just stuck on to the regular stuff. Apologies!

Unlikely Olympic Event!

At times, office can get really boring, when you are stuck doing mundane things. And when you are made to attend training classes, for three full days, every two weeks - it is simply atrocious! So you see, we guys have to get extremely creative to make our otherwise dull day a little better!

So, we three guys were walking towards the training room this morning, cursing our luck about having to attend the class. And just to spend a few more minutes outside the class, we thought of going to the loo to take a leak! (Yeah, how very interesting!)

Now, taking a leak isn’t really an entertaining moment, right? So, we guys thought of making it one! How, you ask?!

Well, we decided to have a peeing race! Yeah, you read it right – a peeing race! I must say, there was no hesitation whatsoever from any of us! We just stood in front of the urinal, called out ‘one’, ‘two’, ‘three’; and we were ready to go!

And yeah, we did enhance the winning criteria from just finishing peeing, to also washing hands, and then finally to even drying them!

In case anyone is interested to know, I finished last! Damn! I have no idea if the other guys cheated or anything, but then, who cares! It is not that there was a trophy or anything!

So, the next time you get really bored in office, you know what to do!

How to save a thousand bucks!

While I switched on the computer a little while ago, I had this little something to write about. But right then, I got this phone call. Now that I am back, I have totally forgotten about what I had planned to write. Damn, I must do something about my memory!

Anyway, since my intention was to write, I might as well do it. It would be quite easy to write about a friend, who has been extremely generous to be stupid on a number of occasions! The last time I met him he told me something so silly (or rather, scary!), that I am kind of scared to write about it. Instead, I can share another dumb thing he has done!

So, the other day I visit his place and he tells me that the display on his mobile phone is conked, and it keeps blinking on and off. After analysing the problem, he had come to a conclusion that, probably it is the data cable that is ‘loose’. After bugging him about how careless he is, I asked him to get it fixed at the service centre. (Duh, some advise that!)

Anyway, the next day I get a text message from him that read:

Guess what? I fixed my phone myself. I had to open four screws and that was it. A moron like you would have given it for service and spent a thousand bucks!

Honestly, I was quite surprised that he managed to fix the phone himself. However, I chose not to pamper his ego, and did not reply to his message.

Later that week when I met him, I noticed that he was using his older mobile phone that he had discarded some three years ago. So, I ask him.

Me: What happened to your phone? I thought you had fixed it.

He: Oh, I broke it! I have given it for service now!

What the?!

Strange as it may seem, no matter how well you think some people know you, they still have some kind of preconceived notion about you, which is so not true!

The other day I was speaking over the phone with an old friend. I had always considered him as an intellectual guy. Except for his choice of music, he seems to have the thought-process of a man, some ten years older than he is! Anyway, here is an excerpt of our conversation:

He: So how is your guitar class coming along?

Me: Quite good.

He: So, can you play in front of a girl and impress her?!

Me: Not yet. Hey! Wait a minute! That never was the reason I wanted to learn to play the guitar!

He: Okay. So, what else is new?

Me: Well, I have decided to stop with all this junk slang that I keep using.

At this point, I am expecting some kind of an appreciation or something!

He: Who is behind all this?!

Me: What do you mean?! Do you think I am not capable of taking decisions for myself?!

He: Just asking.

Me: It is so insulting, you know!

He: Hmm.

Me: Actually, the other day I was hanging out with a bunch of friends when I uttered a sentence with about six or seven ‘craps’ in it. At that time, one of them asked me if I could get through just one day, without saying the word ‘crap’! So instead, I thought maybe I should stop it all, and that was the real reason for this decision!

Okay fine, I agree that some people do know you real well!

Now, if any of you guys are wondering as to what was the point of writing this post - it is to let you know that I have decided to stop using all the slang that I have so far been using. So it means saying goodbye to ‘crap’ and ‘moron’ and also ‘go make babies on your own’! Man, I wonder how am I going to survive!