Revenge of the morons!

I had met up with a couple of my wickedest friends, last Sunday. I do not recall how we ended up discussing this topic, but it suddenly occurred to them that they must do something about me blogging about them!

It is true that a majority of the posts I have written are about my friends. And one cannot blame me, for the fact that, most of these guys do things so stupid, that I have been having something or the other to write about for all these years! Anyway, the gripe these guys had was that I only write about instances where the joke was on them! Though it is not entirely true, they just believed it was so, and were hell bent on getting back!

After a little thought, they came up with an idea of creating a blog themselves, and posting instances when each one of them had shut me up!

How ingenious!

It took them only another twenty seconds to arrive at a name for the blog they would create – One Tube Light! Although I did not tell them this then, I thought the title was actually cool!

Anyhow, this post is about (the very few) instances where I have been shut up by these guys! Do note that there could be swearwords used in this post. So mom – you can skip this one!

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This one time we guys were playing a game of Taboo. Now if you have never played it before - the objective of the game is for a guy to have his team-mates guess the word on his card, without using the word itself (duh!), or the five additional words listed on the card. And all of this is to be done in under sixty odd seconds.

It was my turn to pick the card and make these guys guess the word on it. I think the word to be guessed was anxious.

Me: Right now, I look…

And these were some of the responses I got!

Guy 1: Dumb?

Guy 2: Stupid?

Guy 3: Like a moron?

Guy 4: Like an asshole?!

Although there were more guesses, let me just stop with this! And you must know that these were guesses from my own team-mates!

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The choice of my riding helmet has received a mixed reaction from my friends. While few of them liked it, few of them did not. Of all the conversations on it, this is the weirdest one I can remember. I just got on my bike, and put on my helmet.

Girl: Wow, your helmet looks awesome!

Me: Thank you!

Guy: That is because it covers most of his face!

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This one day, I was riding to some place and I had a friend, riding pillion. One thing you must know is I complain about random things when I am riding, or driving – for the lack of doing anything better!

Anyhow, we came across a road hump so huge, that it could have easily qualified as a check-dam! It was a perfect object for me to complain about!

Me: Is this a dam, or a road hump?

He: It is a damn road hump!

He laughed all the way till the destination! And then, he laughed some more!

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This happened a few weeks ago. Some of us had met up, and as usual – we ended up in a mindless argument over something stupid. I do not remember what the topic of discussion was, but after this guy finished reasoning why I should be doing something, and looked at me for approval, I just had to tell him this.

Me: Fuck you!

He did not seem like he was in a mood to give up, and pursued with his reasoning. One he had finished, I asked him this.

Me: Which part of the ‘fuck you’, did you not understand?!

He: The ‘fuck’ part! Do you mind explaining it for me?!

Me: Huh?!

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PS: I had told these guys that I would register the name - 1tubelight, so that they would not be able to use it! The last time I checked, this page was still available, and I could have blocked it against my name. However, I chose not to do it because, One Tube Light, is probably the nicest title these wicked buggers could think of!

What’s the score?

Let me start this with a gender biased statement – most women are not as crazy as most men, when it comes to following a game of cricket! Just in case, if you happen to be die hard feminist and have a problem with the above statement – go jump!

Anyway, now that the cricket world cup has begun, almost everyone I know – the girls included, seem to be having something to say about every match that is being played. Some of the really annoying ones keep updating their Facebook status as the match progresses – ball by ball, which results in your homepage being filled only with their updates! This is the trouble with high-speed internet connections and unlimited download plans! Somebody tell them that there a websites designed specifically for this purpose (and thankfully, without their expert opinion)!

I realise I am straying a bit too much, because this post is not about those morons! This post is about my friend – who on this one day, seemed to be more interested than any of us about the cricket match that was being played. I was quite surprised, because I had never actually remembered her mentioning even a word of cricket before she had gotten married! So perhaps, it was the marriage to this guy that made her follow cricket!

Anyhow, a bunch of us had met up for lunch, and we were wondering what we could do next. Since the boys wanted to pick a few games for their PlayStations, we went into a store that sold these. This girl, and her husband entered the store a few minutes after we were there.

Like most stores these days, this too had a wide-screen television hung on one of its wall. And whenever there is a cricket match in which India is involved, it invariably is stuck on to the channel broadcasting the match. Also, you can find a few kids standing so close to the screen that you begin to wonder why did they ever bother trying to make the screen bigger!

Now, as soon as this girl saw the television, she ran towards it and was analysing the score with great interest! And that is when I thought I should tell her this!

Me: Hey, that is not the telecast of the match that is being played today! It is the game, these kids are playing on the Xbox!

Mimosa Pudica

For a guy who detests any kind of body contact – apart from a handshake, the mandatory security frisking at a few places is a nightmarish experience! While at airports, the security personnel frisking are actually aware of what they are looking for, in most other places, I am sure, the security guys do not have the remotest idea about what exactly they ought to be doing! This is about my experience at the security check, at the Akshardham temple, in Delhi.

After the little circus act the three of us were involved in before we entered the temple complex, we expected a smooth sailing, once we were actually allowed inside. In case you are not aware of what had happened, I guess you should read about it here!

Anyhow, once inside, we guys had to leave behind, our cell phones, cameras, and other electronic items we were carrying, after first removing the batteries out from them. We also had to leave our backpacks behind too. And after all this, we were asked to get in a queue.

Well, I have never been to a prison before, but I imagined that convicts would probably be brought in, like us guys in that queue! Only for them, it would be far less crowded! It was so damn crowded, I was wondering if there was going to be a rock show happening inside!

We had walked some halfway through the queue, when I felt something touch my lower back. I turned around, to check and I noticed a man, and he looked like he was at least like a foot and a half behind me. Strangely enough, there was still something touching me. When I looked down, I realised that this guy had a tummy, that was like a foot and a half ahead of him! I am not exaggerating, people – he really had his paunch that far ahead of him! Think of him, as the passenger compartment of a car, and his tummy as the bonnet!

Crap, now I have that dirty image of that guy in my mind again!

Ah, I tried to get away from him, but that happy guy, like our auto-rickshaw drivers, inched ahead the moment I stepped forward, getting along with him his enormous belly! I tired moving to the left, to the right, and just about every other possible place within that narrow walkway to move away from him, but this dude just held on!

Anyway, we guys finally reached the end of the queue, where another security guy was letting people enter in batches. It so happened that both my friends ahead of me were allowed to pass as a part of the previous batch, and I was asked to stop. And as instructed, I did stop!

I have no idea what got into this security guy, but the next second he was all over me, screaming at my face, not to get ahead! In spite of telling that nincompoop that I was not intending to step forward unless being asked to, he, with all his might, was trying his best to prevent me from getting across the line! And yeah, about that security guy – he probably had not taken a bath for a week, and had not washed his uniform for longer! And now, that moron was all over me!

Coming to think of it, the little incident I had with a gay guy while I was in Italy seemed so much pleasant, when compared to this! Nope, I am never writing a post on that!

Anyhow, it was time to let the next batch in, and after another round of security check, I was finally free to see the temple. I caught up with these guys, and we headed to the temple.

It was then we realised that the temple was closed!