A friend of mine
moved to Europe earlier this year. Our busy work schedule meant that we could
not speak with each other for quite a while. But he did call me up a couple of
weekends ago. He mentioned that he had intended to catch up with everyone from
the gang that day. But by the time we were done speaking, he said he was going
to take a nap, and that he would speak with the rest of the guys on some other
day! Was that hint a little too subtle?!
Um, do you think I
talk too much?!
Even though I do
know the answer to that question quite well, I have asked it amidst many of my
conversations. And the answer I had received, was always in the negative –
until very recently that is!
I guess, my friend
decided she had tolerated enough of my nonsense, and on this fine day told me –
Ashwin, you talk way too much! And you never listen!
Um, here I was
thinking I have a talking problem! Now I figure I have a listening problem too!
Now, to be honest,
I do not think talking too much is much of a problem. It really is not. After
all, talking burns a lot of energy and it helps me stay fit! Ah, here I am giving
out fitness secrets – and that too for free! Um, I wonder if that was even a
little bit convincing!
Anyhow, when I gave
this entire thing a little thought, I figured that talking itself is not the
problem. But talking without thinking – most certainly is! Do read on to find
out what I mean.
--
A friend, who was
seeing this guy for some time now, had recently decided to get married to him. But
soon after, she was having second thoughts about it. Since I also happened to
know the guy fairly well, she thought it would be wise to discuss this with me.
After a rather long conversation, I made good progress in making her realise
that her decision to marry him, indeed, was the right thing for her to do.
Towards the fag end
of our conversation, she said:
She: Thank you,
Ashwin. Talking to you, really helped.
Me: Keep the thanks
in your pockets! After all, I would any day go with the devil I know, than the
devil I do not!
She: And how
exactly is that supposed to make me feel better?!
Me: Oh crap!
PS: You guys must
know that she did end up marrying the guy!
--
A bunch of us had
met up at a friend’s place. Amongst us, was this girl, who always seemed to have
some weird question or the other in store for me. On this particular day, she
wanted to know something about the t-shirt I was wearing.
She: Ashwin, are
trying to impress girls by wearing this t-shirt, showing off your biceps?!
Me: Had I had
cleavage, I would have shown it off by wearing a low neck t-shirt! But without
it, I will have to do good with just this!
Surprised by the
silence that followed, I glanced around the room and noticed that everyone
looked dumbfounded. And everyone, including me, agreed that it was a disgusting
thing for me to have said!
--
I was once out with
a friend, and our conversation involved nonsense just like the other days. Somewhere
along all this, we started talking about tattoos.
She: Ashwin, I want
to get a tattoo.
Me: What are you going
to get – a butterfly?
She: Ashwin!
Me: How about a flower?!
She: Just because I
am a girl does not mean I should be getting a butterfly or a flower!
Me: Okay, then how
about a dolphin?!
She: (More sternly,
this time) Ashwin!
Me: Fine! How about
you get a tattoo like Amitabh Bachchan in that movie that said – mera baap chor hein?!
Okay, I did get
beaten up for this one!
--
There was this time
I was pissed off with something and was swearing incessantly to vent out the
frustration. A guy I had an acquaintance with, came by and told me this:
He: Ashwin, you are
a gentleman. You should not be talking like this.
Me: You know what?
I am an asshole, and when angry, I fart!
That guy did not
talk to me much after that day!
--
There was this time
when I was dropping a friend back to her place. She was riding pillion and perhaps,
talking about all things girly. That perfectly explains why I was not paying
any attention to what she was saying in the first place! Anyhow, in some time, she
figured I was not listening to her.
She: Ashwin! Are
you even listening to me?
Me: What were you
saying?!
She: Thank goodness,
we are not dating each other!
Me: Ah, never mind
that! I do not date girls who are fatter than me, anyway!
Okay, that, by far,
must be the stupidest thing I had ever said! I am lucky I was not murdered that
day!
