IT Bugger!

The trouble with this entire information security guarantee that my office promises to our clients – is that we guys have very limited rights to our own work-stations. For example, we can not even delete files saved by somebody else in our own computer! I mean, is this fair?!

Anyway, we had to attend this training program in office once, and the trainer guy wanted to copy some files to the computer. Now I suppose you guys can figure that the external drives are all disabled on our computers – so there is no way you can either copy crap into the computer, nor take any out of it. The only thing to do during times like these is to call the IT guy.

So, one of the guys took the pen drive from the trainer and said:

Guy 1: I will go meet the IT bugger and get them copied to this computer!

Now the training room we were seated at is separated from the office area by something that can be called as a lobby. A lot of guys stand around and chat in this place during the tea breaks, and what do you know – it was time for a tea break then.

Anyhow, it should have normally taken this guy like, under two minutes, to find the IT guy and have the stuff copied. But it was well over ten minutes since he had left the room, and we had no clue what he was up to. So a friend and I decided to step out and find out what was taking him so long.

As we stepped out, we found this guy, chit-chatting among a bunch of other guys in the lobby. Looking at this, my friend got a little annoyed and asked:

Guy 2: Were you not supposed to find the IT bugger?!

Poor guy had simply failed to notice that the IT guy was sitting right beside him!

IT Bugger: The IT bugger is sitting right here! You come to me next time when you have trouble, and I will take care of you then!

The look on his face – ah, it was like he had let a loud one go in the middle of a conference!

Finally – the F word!

Warning: There is a dirty word used in this post!

Although I swear so much while talking, I have managed not to use a single swearword in my blog! Well, to be honest, it is just that I have been using milder forms of the curses in most cases, as the word in itself was not very critical to the topic. However, today is another day!

I am sure nearly all of us do use a few words, unnecessarily, in our everyday speech. Though most conversations could seamlessly flow without the use of any of these words, I feel that they just add a little bit of character, or flavour – if you can call it that!

Here are a few examples:

Who do you think you are – Neil freaking Armstrong?!

or

Oh yeah, I forgot you are freaking Albert Einstein!

See, you get the gist, right? It is just colloquial.

Now enough with the education, and let me come to the point. Though each one of us are assigned our work-stations at office and are expected to use only that machine, there are times when some of us need to switch, or use more than one machine. On one such day, I had let a friend use my computer to finish his work.

After a while, I figured I should remind him of my magnanimous gesture – and get something from him as compensation! While he failed to realise my sacrifice, I decided to show him who was the boss around there!

Me: Get off my computer, dude!

He: I do not see your name written here, mister!

Me: Oh really?! Are you fucking Ashwin Wilson?!

Okay, I figured out instantly that I was not going to like the answer to the question that I had just asked! And I guess he could not have done any better to shut me up!

He: No, but I would love to!!

Misplaced Patriotism, Balls, & A Near Death Experience!

Now that the football world cup has begun, pretty much everyone is talking about football. Staying on the same pitch, here is a conversation that I heard on the subject, between a couple of guys at work.

Guy 1: World cup has finally begun!

Guy 2: Yeah!

Guy 1: So, whom are you supporting?

Guy 2: No matter what happens, I am always going to support India!

--

There is this guy in office – who at one time carried three mobile phones, and five SIM cards! At most times his conversations on the telephone involved expressing his displeasure about the services provided by the operator. Many of us tried to drive some sense into his head about why he did not require three phones. And here is my contribution:

Dude, you are carrying more cell phones than the number of balls you have got! Do you really require that many?

From the next day, he had as many phones as balls!

PS: In case you are wondering if he got himself an extra ball – I like the way you are thinking!

--

I had written this a few months ago, and I have no idea why I did not post it back then. I had gone to visit a friend, and upon entering his place he told me this.

He: You know what? I had a near death experience!

Me: What happened?

He: I was waiting by Gate 11 at the stadium at 5:00 in the evening last week. And yesterday, there was an explosion at Gate 10, at just about the same time!

Did you find the ball?!

A few days ago, K and I went to meet another friend, S, at his place. The three of us were standing out and chatting in his balcony, while we noticed a bunch of kids playing cricket by the railway line. This kind of reminded us about the days we guys used to play cricket as kids. Back then, playing in confined spaces, we had so many stupid rules, that it was a truly a miracle if any of us could ever score double figures!

Anyway, there were thick bushes growing besides the tracks, and these guys hit the ball into them every now and then. And each time, these kids ran fearlessly into the bushes – which towered over them, to fetch the ball.

Perhaps it was while looking at this, my friend, K, was reminded of an incident that occurred while he was playing a game of cricket.

K: I remember once I was playing cricket with M, and that guy hit the ball into the bushes. I went in search of the ball, and I found a dead body lying there!

S: Oh! But did you find the ball?!

Tea

You know what? I hate tea so much – that I could actually puke just by smelling it! I am dead serious here. I detest sitting in the office pantry, because it smells like tea! (Okay, they play like really crappy music too, but the smell still wins out – hands down!) I sometimes wonder how people can actually drink so much tea. And here is another thought – I wonder why people consider honey as sweet. Honey, is anything but sweet! It is disgusting! And yeah, I could never call my girlfriend as honey! Unless, I find her disgusting that is! Okay, let me stop wandering and get back to tea.

Now, irrespective of the fact that I hate tea so much, I still do drink a cup of it every morning! Um, provided I am at home that is. Well, that is because I think only my mum is capable of making tea that would not want me to throw up when I drink it! No offence meant here to anyone, or their mothers! It is just me! It really is! (It always is!)

Anyhow, there are these few (very, very few!) days when I do not like the tea my mum has made. On one such morning, I so had to let her know about it.

Me: Ma!

Mum: Yeah?

Me: What is wrong with this tea?

Mum: What is wrong with it?

Me: It tastes like I am chewing on tea leaves!

Mum: It is tea! What do you suppose it should taste like?!

Me: Argh!

Well people, I really do not know how to explain this. Never mind! I need some sleep! Good night!

Blood Donation

A few days ago, I was walking up to my seat in office while I noticed this girl sitting at her place with a stole wrapped around her. I began to wonder why would someone wrap a stole in the middle of summer, and I thought of enquiring. As I got closer, I noticed she looked a little pale too.

Me: What happened? You do not look well.

She: Yeah, I am feeling a little cold. I had to give blood this morning.

On a regular day, I would have teased her, but I thought if someone has had to donate blood this early in the morning, there must have been something serious.

Me: Oh?

She: And I am fasting too.

Me: And why exactly are you doing that? Are you not supposed to eat something immediately after you donate blood?

She: No, I had to be fasting for the blood test.

Me: You mean you had to give blood for a blood test?!

She: Yeah.

Me: And you are feeling cold because of that?

She: But they took a lot of blood!

Me: Yeah, right!

PS: I have wanted to do this for quite sometime now, but I never seem to have had the time for it. But I guess all the waiting has been worth it, because I get to post this on her birthday.

Happy Birthday, Mother India! I hope I get more things to write about you!

100 Things

Pratik tagged me on this and incidentally, this happens to be my first one.

And to be honest, this is my second attempt to complete it! I started with it like a couple of days ago, but could manage answering some sixty odd questions. Let me see if I can make it till the end. Here I go – again!

1. Last beverage: Water

2. Last phone call: I wish it never came – My friend’s (very irritating) girlfriend bitching about him - again!

3. Last text message: Sent it to a friend asking her to come out and watch the rain!

4. Last song you listened to: 21 Guns – Greenday. (PS: I can play that song on my guitar, though not on the right key!)

5. Last time you cried: March 7, 2009.

HAVE YOU EVER:

6. Dated someone twice: Duh!

7. Been cheated on: I do not think so. Rather, I choose not to think so!

8. Kissed someone and regretted it: Not yet!

9. Lost someone special: Lost, and found them too!

10. Been depressed: Of course! I am depressed most of the time!

11. Been drunk and threw up: No, I usually throw up without being drunk!

LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS:

12. Blue.

13. Black.

14. White.

THIS YEAR (2010) HAVE YOU:

15. Made new friends: Of course. And a few more enemies!

16. Fallen out of love: Um, fallen into love, actually!

17. Laughed until you cried: More than once!

18. Met someone who changed you: Now why would someone want to change me?!

19. Found out who your true friends were: Yeah whatever.

20. Found out someone was talking about you: Oh yes. There are a bunch of girls in office who are planning something really wicked!

21. Kissed anyone on your friend list: Did you know that there could be 100 trillion tonnes of bacteria living beneath our feet in what are known as subsurface litho-autotrophic microbial ecosystems?! Awesome, no?!

22. How many people on your friend list do you know in real life: Most of them.

23. How many kids do you want to have: Why would I want to have kids?! I hate them!

24. Do you have any pets: Actually, my pets have me!

25. Do you want to change your name: I guess not. But I am sure that my dog, ‘Dog’ does!

26. What did you do for your last birthday: Washed a lot of cake off my face!

27. What time did you wake up today: 0610.

28. What were you doing at midnight last night: I was out helping the Power-puff girls save the world!

29. Name something you cannot wait for: To see my friend in her new black dress! (PS: I hope you are reading this!)

30. Last time you saw your mother: A little while ago – while she asked me to shut off the computer and go to sleep!

31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: Just one?! Um, in that case I guess it has to be – everything!

32. What are you listening to right now: Wheels – Foo Fighters.

33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: Yeah I did. But he did not talk back.

34. What is getting on your nerves right now: My friend’s (very irritating) girlfriend bitching about him – again!

35. Most visited webpage: http://1headlight.blogspot.com/

36. What is your real name: I could tell you – but then I would have to kill you!

37. Nicknames: Gubé. (To be pronounced as Gu-bay)

39. Zodiac sign: Libra.

40. Male or female or transgender: Man, this one is difficult!

41. Primary school: I am self taught!

42. High School: I was never meant to get this far!

43. College: Read point 42!

44. Hair colour: Black. But a few guys are turning grey!

45. Long or short: Medium – as the barber says!

46: Height: I am tall.

47: Do you have a crush on someone: More than a crush!

48: What do you like about yourself: Absolutely nothing!

49. Piercing: Zilch!

50. Tattoos: Naught!

51. Righty or lefty: Righty.

FIRSTS:

52. First surgery: I could do my first one on you today, if you want me to!

53. First piercing: I can do that for you, after you survive the surgery!

54. First best friend: Honestly, I do not remember!

55. First vacation: It was only last week! Can you believe it?!

56. First crush: It was a long time ago.

RIGHT NOW:

59. Eating: I am on a diet!

60. Drinking: Water.

61. Doing: Finishing this tag.

62. Listening to: Use Somebody – Kings of Leon.

63. Waiting for: My friend to wear her new black dress!

YOUR FUTURE:

64. Want kids: Nope! And I am sure they do not want me either!

65. Get married: Um, I am not too sure actually. I could consider in case she does not want to have kids!

66. Careers in mind: Can I be Superman?

WHICH IS BETTER:

67. Lips or eyes: Is this like a trick question? I mean, if you have bad eyes, then you would not be able to see good lips. And if you have good eyes, it would still hurt you to see bad lips! So either ways – you are screwed!

68. Hugs or kisses: Right now, I could use a hug!

69. Shorter or taller: What exactly are we talking about here?

71. Romantic or spontaneous: A little bit of both.

72. Nice stomach or nice arms: I wish there were more choices!

73. Sensitive or loud: As long as it is not rock music, I do not want it loud!

74. Hook-up or relationship: A hook-up that ends in a relationship!

75. Trouble maker or hesitant: Definitely a trouble maker!

HAVE YOU EVER:

76. Kissed a stranger: Nope, but I have been kissed by a stranger!

77. Drank hard liquor: Nope.

78. Lost glasses/ contacts: Nope, but I have damaged my glasses so many times that it would have been better instead if I had just lost them!

79. Sex on first date: Nope.

80. Broken someone's heart: I suppose.

81. Had your own heart broken: Yup.

82. Been arrested: Almost! And that too twice!

83. Turned someone down: What is this - a guilt trip?

84. Cried when someone died: Yeah.

85. Liked a friend who is a girl: I am straight. So what do you expect?!

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

86. Yourself: Yes – because nobody else does!

87. Miracles: Only if it comes with an action replay!

88. Love at first sight: Totally!

89. Heaven: Yeah, it is above the clouds, right?!

90. Santa Claus: Yeah. I once lit him when he was getting down the chimney! Poor guy, I have not seen him since!

91. Kiss on the first date: Why not?!

92. Angels: I have seen some!

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:

93. Is there one person you want to be with right now: Yeah. And I guess I could be with them for ever too!

94. Had more than one boyfriend/ girlfriend at one time: Are you crazy?! One is sufficient to cause more than the amount of trouble you can handle! And besides, I prefer being faithful!

95. Did you sing today: One, twenty one guns; throw up your arms into the sky!

97. If you could go back in time, how far would you go: November 9, 2004.

98. If you could pick a day from last year and relive it, what would it be: February 8, 2009.

99. Are you afraid of falling in love: No, it is the falling out of love that scares me!

100. Posting this as 100 truths: I do not lie, okay?!

Tada!

So finally, I am done with this! And it was kind of fun! I suppose I have got to tag a few people now – so I tag Prakrati and UK, though I am in doubt if either of them would ever take it up!