Getting High, And How?! | Showtime

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4

Day 3 – 18 June 2012 | Part 1

It was still quite early in the morning when I woke up to the sound of the alarm going off on my phone. I could not sleep very well last night – this time, not because of any apprehensions; but because of Chandramouly snoring! So, in a way, it was nice hearing the sound of the alarm go off. Well, not only because I was annoyed with the snoring, but it also meant it was finally time to start cycling!

Anyhow, once up, it did not take me a lot of time to get ready. I had already kept all the stuff I would require for the ride aside the previous day. I quickly changed into my riding gear, packed my night clothes in, and I was ready to go. It was truly remarkable that every one of us was ready on time. I guess enthusiasm got the better of laziness on this very cold morning! We dragged our luggage out from the rooms and headed down to the restaurant attached with the hotel for breakfast.

The sun was out by the time we were done with breakfast. Our backup jeep too had arrived and we started with carrying our luggage to the jeep. Now, we had sorted our luggage into two sets – consisting of a backpack, in which we carried the absolute essentials – warm clothes, rain gear, first aid, and anything else one thought they would require through the day during the ride; while the remainder of the luggage went in another bag. With our luggage in the jeep, we attended to our bikes – fine tuning the brakes, gears and stuff. After a quick phone call home to remind them that we would all be unreachable for the next few days, it was time to pose for a few photographs. This was definitely the cleanest we were going to be, and it made a lot of sense to get as many pictures as possible!

All through this ceremony of sorts, we managed to attract quite a sizable crowd, who seemed amused, amazed and confused, all at the same time with what we were doing. A few of the questions they asked us only ensured we accelerated our departure! We bade goodbye to the hotel staff, and the crowd before heading down to Virender’s office. We were to catch up with Mizan, who was to be waiting for us there. Considering that we had a long day ahead of us with a lot of climbing, it was nice to start the ride with some downhill.

The first thing I learnt about the bike I was riding is that the brakes on it were nowhere as good as the ones on my bike I rode back home. This meant, I had to brake in a lot earlier than what I was used to. The road we were on was not particularly good, so I stood up on the pedals to get my weight off the saddle. That is when I felt a little pain in my left heel. This was definitely not good. Before I could determine what exactly I had done led to this injury, we were at Virender’s office. Mizan was waiting for us, with his bike. While all of us were dressed up in riding gear, Mizan stood there wearing casuals! Our backup jeep arrived shortly and Mizan’s luggage was loaded in. Well, after all the hoopla it was finally time to kick off our big ride!

Our destination for today was Marhi – some 35 odd kilometres away, and more importantly, about 1800 metres above Manali. The altitude gain was definitely a lot more than anything that I had done in a single day earlier, so I knew it was going to be quite challenging. Now, instead of directly heading to the Manali-Leh highway, we took an alternate route. It would eventually get us back to highway, but this route had far lesser traffic than the highway. We initially headed towards Old Manali, and then took a deviation away after getting across a bridge. The traffic thinned out quickly, and in little time it was pretty much only us cyclists along the route.

As we got pedalling the group split itself fairly quickly. There was a considerable gap that was formed between the leading the trailing cyclist. Although at first I had decided to stay with the trailing cyclist (so that I do not strain my knee even a single bit more than necessary), I found myself somewhere in the middle. I wanted to take it easy and see how my knee held up. The gradient gradually began to show up and we took our first break beside an orchard, barely three quarters of an hour since we had started. As we rested beneath the trees, we plucked a few still unripe apples and ate them. They did not taste particularly good, but most of us decided to have another serving!

We got back on our bikes shortly, but made another quick stop because we were amused to find marijuana growing by the roadside, literally, like weed! As we rode a little ahead, we made yet another stop – this time, because the girls wanted cotton candy! After making a few more stops – for clicking pictures, inflating a tyre and such, we finally got to the bridge that connected us back to the highway. The carriageway consisted of several planks of wood placed loosely one beside another, and it sounded like fireworks while we rode across it, as it shifted under the weight.

Once on the highway, we discovered that Ramya’s bike had had a puncture. It did not take us long to fix it, and to get back on the road again. There was quite a bit of traffic on the highway and we had to be very careful to ensure that we were not being run over. It had taken us about three hours to get till here, and honestly, it was not very far from where we had started. Chandramouly and Mizan soon picked up pace and rode ahead. After riding with the trailing pack for a while, I picked up a little pace myself and caught up with them. Since we had to wait for the rest of them, we clicked quite a few pictures along the way. As we kept gaining height, we could get a better view of the valley below. On the other side, the pine trees seemed to be getting taller.

Although the sky was clear when we had started, rain clouds were now building up rapidly. And this lowered the temperature by quite a bit. After about an hour since joining the highway, we took a break beside a herd of grazing sheep. Looking at them, Mizan wondered if he could take one along with him for lunch! None of us were too hungry at that time, so we decided to stop for lunch a little ahead and got back on the road. The road ahead twisted and turned into hairpin bends as we slowly and steadily kept getting higher. We were making good progress, riding at a brisk pace – except for a little stretch where we encountered a traffic pile up, because a car had toppled over and lay in the middle of the road. While most of us passed that car without as much giving it a second glance, Mizan seem mesmerised at the sight!

Anyhow, the cloud cover was so thick now, that it was beginning to get really dark. It was only a matter of time before it would start raining. And in a matter of time – it did start raining. The good thing was – we all had well anticipated a change in weather and kept our rain gear in a backpack for ready access, and left the backpacks in the backup jeep. The not so good thing was – the jeep was missing!

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Getting High, And How?! | Acclimatisation

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3

Day 2 – 17 June 2012

I was awakened from my sleep as the bus jostled with other vehicles – all eager to get to the only operating lane at a toll booth right ahead. I instantly realised that my right knee felt a little numb. I had earlier exchanged my seat with Chandramouly, so that I could sit toward the aisle. That way, I could stretch my legs every once in a while.

My right knee had been giving me quite a bit of trouble lately. It had all started a few months earlier during one of my practice rides with Gurudeep. One fine Saturday, we guys did three consecutive Nandi Hills climbs on our bicycles, while challenging ourselves not to take a break while at it! Approaching the summit on the last climb, I felt a slight discomfort developing in my right knee. I should have stopped right away, but instead, we rode down and did another loop around the hills. Thinking about it now, I guess I have been giving trouble to my knee, and not the other way around! Anyhow, I spent the rest of the day, and a fair bit of the next – limping. The pain eventually receded, and I thought I was fine.

But, I was wrong. The pain kept creeping back in after almost every ride thereafter – even on those that were nowhere as strenuous as a Nandi Hill climb. I finally consulted an orthopaedic, and he suggested I get a MRI scan done. On studying the reports, he told me that I had a tear in one of those ligaments in my knee, albeit, a little one. He prescribed few pills and stuff, but told me clearly that getting some rest would certainly outdo what those pills could. Knowing well what was in store ahead, I gave it a little rest, but not as much as the doctor had advised! Though, I did change my training regime greatly – I had not done a single Nandi Hills climb since I got the MRI scan done. And it had been a fortnight since I last cycled.

Looking outside the window, I realised the bus had started its ascent towards Swarghat. Although the road was lit only by the headlight, I could recognise a few of those turns from the previous time I was here on my motorcycle. Himalayas was not too far away from here! Even though it was just past 0230, there were way too many trucks on the road. And unlike I did on my motorcycle last year, the bus could not get past them easily. I figured it was going to take quite a while before we would get to Manali.

The constant turning and twisting, accelerating and braking meant I could hardly get any sleep. So I stayed up and looked outside the window – reminiscing. At dawn, the bus stopped beside an eatery. While we enquired with the driver, he said we would reach Manali only at about 1100. We had all thought we would be getting there a lot earlier than that, and had made plans to go an acclimatisation ride around the place. But now, we had to drop it.

Once the bus got back on the road, I did manage to catch some sleep. I really doubt if the turning and twisting reduced any bit, but I slept like a baby anyway. I woke up only when a few passengers were deboarding the bus near Kullu. I recognised the river that ran beside the road. It had been a companion for Shoib and me last year. Memories rushed in. I could not help smiling to myself. Getting closer to Manali, the mountain peaks seemed to rise from behind the tall pine trees that hid them. The first thing I noticed was there was a lot more snow than last year. And there was a lot more traffic on road than last year too. And yes, a lot more people too.

It was about 1030 when the bus finally rolled into the bus station. It had been the longest bus journey for me yet. Virender, our guide for the ride ahead was already there to collect us. We transferred our luggage from the bus to the waiting jeep. And then, we got into the jeep ourselves. A few more agonising traffic jams later, we made it to our hotel room. Even before unpacking, we decided to call for breakfast. The girls reminded that Akshay and I had not brushed our teeth yet. The others had brushed while the bus had made that little pit stop earlier. The two of us did not heed to what they said, and ate anyway! After all, we were all going to do things a little differently in the coming days.

Although we had only just arrived, we were already behind schedule. While the girls went to their rooms and started cleaning up, we guys got to the task of assembling the packed bicycles. While Gurudeep and Akshay stayed behind, dealing with finer adjustments on their bicycles, the rest of us followed Virender, on foot, through many pine trees, and descended to Old Manali to pick up bikes for ourselves.

After trying out a few bikes available for hire at the store, Ramya, HT, Chandramouly and I selected one bike each for ourselves. Once done with that, we rode back into town and caught up with Gurudeep and Akshay. After first splurging on some pastries, we rode to get ourselves lunch. Lunch consisted of local delicacies and was scrumptious.

Once done with lunch, we took the trail that swept through the pine trees back to our hotel room. Although it was a rather short climb, most of us were caught gasping for breath. Of course, the gradient was rather steep and not conducive for amateur mountain biking. But overall, it was a lot of fun! Once we got to the hotel, we chained all the bikes to each other and left them by the compound wall.

It was finally time to clean up. Once in the room, I unpacked my luggage and kept aside the stuff I would need for the ride tomorrow. A quick shower and a shave later, I was all spick and span! I knew well that it would be long before I would get to do either of these again in the coming days. We spent some time chit-chatting while everyone was getting ready. By about 1930, everyone was ready and we could leave for dinner. Well, everyone except HT. She had a headache, and decided she would not join us. The rest of us walked down the same trail that we had ridden up a little earlier. I am sure it would have been a lot of fun riding downhill here!

Once at the restaurant, Virender told us that there was this guy, Mizan, from Singapore, who was here on a vacation and was keen on joining us for the ride. All of us agreed to have him in our group. Mizan joined us for dinner too. Most of us had trouble remembering his name, or pronouncing it right! He was the youngest among all of us, and oddly, we began to have some apprehensions about him completing the ride. To his defence, Mizan told us that he cycled occasionally back home, but there were obviously no mountains in Singapore. He said he was a runner, so that would help. In any case, we all knew we had a jeep for backup, though no one at the moment had any plans of getting into it anytime soon!

Dinner, like lunch, was brilliant. Virender and Mizan parted a little early, and we would see them tomorrow morning. We guys chatted up for some more time before calling for the check. Night had fallen by now, and the air was cold. We took a slow walk up the trail back to our hotel, in darkness. Along our way, we spotted many snails and slugs that had crept out in the open. We kept a lookout, so that we do not accidentally step on them. For one last time, we got back to the hotel.

I quickly washed up, and changed into my night clothes. As I jumped on the soft bed and tucked myself under a warm blanket, I figured I should relish this moment. Tomorrow was going to be a big day.

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Getting High, And How?! | Genesis

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2

Day 1 – 16 June 2012

I had set the alarm to go off at 0630 in the morning. When it did go off, on the dot, I killed it – lazily, and tucked myself back to sleep. I lay there for well over an hour, until my mum reminded me I that had a flight to catch. Reluctantly, I stepped out from the comfort of my warm bed and got on with the morning duties.

I wonder if you have noticed how this entire thing was remarkably different compared to the day I had set off on my motorcycle trip to the Himalayas, a year earlier. Last time, I was up before my alarm, and went about doing my things hurriedly; while my mum carried a tense look all along. For all the trouble I have been giving her lately, I guess my mum favoured the idea of me not being around for a while!

Signing up for cycling some 560 kilometres in the Himalayas, over some unforgiving terrain in ten days may not sound much like a vacation for many. But for me, I was only doing what I love; albeit my display of lethargy in the morning might make you think otherwise! But you see, a last minute decision to not carry my bike along, and instead hire one in Manali meant that logistics got a whole lot simpler. Having already finished packing my bags a day earlier, I did not really have to do much in the morning. Add to top it all, my flight to Delhi was not until a little before noon.

And unlike last time, I had no apprehensions at all about the trip. After all, I knew well that we would be followed by a backup crew, who would take care of our food, stay and also mechanical failures, if there were any. So, you see – there was nothing to worry about. This indeed was a vacation!

The taxi arrived at my place while I was still reading the newspaper. I bade goodbye to my mum and got along the way. In spite of being lazy all morning, I was still the first one to get to the airport. Gurudeep, Akshay and Ramya reached the airport quite late. Once they did, they stood outside chatting with a couple of friends who had come to see them off. Gurudeep and Akshay, both were carrying their bikes with them. With each bike weighing about 20 kilograms after being packed, it was certain that they would have to pay a little for excess baggage and the check-in process would take a little longer. Even then, they did not seem to be in a hurry. Strangely, I was reminded of Shoib! Eventually, they did get in; and after an extended check-in process, we got our boarding passes. And in little time, were done with the security check too. We boarded the aircraft after a quick snack.

The flight to Delhi was rather boring. I read, and then reread the newspaper. Beyond that, I tried to catch some sleep. Two and half hours after leaving Bangalore, we arrived at Delhi. Upon arrival, the air hostess announced that the temperature outside was 42°C. Damn, that was hot! We had to wait by the baggage conveyer belt forever to collect our luggage. Just as we were done and about to leave, HT and Chandramouly joined us. HT had flown in from Chennai, and Chandramouly from Mumbai. With the entire team together, we stepped out of the airport.

A very warm wind instantly greeted us. This place was hot. Honestly, I think most saunas operate at lower temperatures than this! And I also wondered if birds in Delhi really have to sit on their eggs to hatch them! Our bus to Manali was at 2000, and we had plenty of time to kill. Initially, we had thought that we could visit a few places in Delhi before getting aboard the bus, but with the sun scorching over our heads, we dropped that plan. After a quick lunch at one of the stalls outside the airport, we hired a couple of taxis to get us and our luggage to the bus terminus. After a rather long drive, we were there.

We took turns in carrying our luggage inside. A lot of people kept looking at us as they went by. Perhaps, they were intrigued by the fact we were carrying so much luggage. The bus terminus was either being built, or renovated, so that meant we could not find any benches or seats. Knowing that we had a long wait ahead of us, we found a spot by one of the pillars in the foyer and settled down there. The ceiling fans were not working either and the Delhi heat was taking a toll on us. Every now and then, Chandramouly looked at his watch and updated us about any change in temperature. More about that watch in the later posts!

Apart from a walk outside to McDonald’s to grab a bite and another one to get a few bottles of water, we pretty much perched at that very spot. We just sat there yakking about everything under the sun. After what seemed like forever, it was finally time to board the bus. We had been immobile for so long that locating our bus was somewhat entertaining. But getting all our luggage loaded in the cargo area of the bus was not. Gurudeep and Akshay ended up paying a little extra as they were carrying their bikes. With everything in its place, we got into the bus.

It took the bus about half an hour to actually get out of the terminus. But once on the highway, we made good speed. As we got to the outskirts, the television in the bus came alive. And like it happens in all bus journeys (at least with me), it was the dumbest of all movies that was being played. I closed my eyes and let random thoughts flood in to my head, just so as to keep me distracted enough to not watch the movie. For the moment, it seemed to be working.

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Getting High, And How?! | The Butterfly Effect

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1

If you have had a conversation with me anytime during the past one year, I am sure I would have mentioned to you about my motorcycle trip to the Himalayas, with a couple of my friends. Of course, I would have made it sound a lot more dramatic than what I have written here, but that is beside the point! After all, at that time, it was, by far, the most amazing thing I had ever done and I wondered if I could do anything to better it.

Anyhow, taking all that time off for the trip meant that the errands at the workplace, and at home too, had piled up considerably by the time I returned to Bangalore. During the next few weeks, while I was still trying to figure out how to manage with the increased workload, a few friends planned an extended visit to Kerala – on the pretext of attending a wedding. Well, the plan included me travelling too, and I so wanted to join them. But with my current workload, I knew I would have to put in a few extra hours during the coming weekend, in order to afford the time away from office for a few more days. And honestly, I was prepared for it.

That is, until another couple of my friends made a last minute plan to ride to Hampi on motorcycles! Ah, now I had wanted to visit Hampi for a very long time, and to ride the place on my motorcycle was icing on the cake! So, we guys rode to the place that weekend, and I returned to office the following week – to a ton of work, waiting for me to attend to. The ride to Hampi meant that I had to cancel my tickets to Kerala. It was a little disappointing to ditch that trip, but then I had no one to blame but myself for it. And the fact that the schedule to get those tasks done in office got subsequently moved out – made the entire feeling a whole lot worse!

That weekend, while a bunch of my friends were having a ball in Kerala, I was wondering what I should be doing. That is when another friend asked me if I wanted to head out to attend a two day art workshop. To salvage the weekend, I agreed. Little did I know then, that it set out the wheels in motion!

The two day art workshop was so much fun that a couple of my friends who had visited Kerala at the time were jealous! Apart from having a good time, I also met a few amazing people at the place. One among them was a lady – MS, a writer, a movie-maker and more! Although at first I did not know that she was married, few weeks later, I met her husband – MB, an avid cyclist. We had a lot of things to talk about, because it was just about then I had gotten back to cycling regularly, and I was thinking of picking up a new bike.

At the time, I owned a full-suspension mountain bike, and had realised it was an extremely inefficient option for the city rides that I was doing. Since I had no interest to do any kind of downhill racing with the bike, I planned to pick up a new hybrid bike for city use. It was when MB asked me to reconsider my plan, and suggested I pick up a hard-tail mountain bike instead. To get a feel of the hard-tail mountain bike, he asked me to ride a trail with a Bangalore based bicycling group – ICycle.

In the coming months, I rode a few trails with ICycle. And riding with them, I got a chance to meet a lot more avid cyclists. All of a sudden, I was cycling a whole lot more than I was doing before. And pretty quickly, I had participated in almost all the trails in the ICycle kitty! And eventually, I did pick up a hard-tail mountain bike, as MB had suggested!

As I gradually increased the cycling mileage, I set myself a target to ride from Bangalore to Mysore during the winter in 2012. But pretty quickly, I raised the bar – and by quite a margin, when, I decided to get to Leh, and then cycle to Khardung La! Of course, this plan was as far-fetched, as far-fetched could possibly be! I had checked with a couple of friends, and they had tentatively agreed to join me for that ride. But over time, both dropped out – one, quoting financial reasons, and the other, quoting fitness.

Anyway, looking at me doing all this cycling, a friend was inspired and wanted to join me in one of the trails. She was pretty much new to cycling, so we decided to do the level 2 trail with ICycle – a ride to Nandi Hills. This was to be a repeat ride for me, but I was not complaining one bit. After all, I got to cycle, and had good company!

It was during that ride, I met a guy – Gurudeep. I was still cycling up Nandi Hills, while he was descending – for the second time! After a quick chat with him, I learnt that he planned to do three climbs, back to back, that day! I wished I had the stamina to ride like him! Anyhow, after that brief encounter we headed our respective ways.

A few days after I met Gurudeep, I learnt that he had ridden on his bicycle from Manali to Leh, the previous year. I instantly knew that bigger things would be in store for me if I stayed in touch with this guy. And that was exactly the case. Gurudeep was planning another ride from Manali to Leh this year; and to make it bigger than what it was the previous year, it would include a ride to Khardung La too! Ha, here was a dream opportunity that was being delivered to me on a platter! It took me less than two seconds to sign up for the eleven days ride! Of course, we would have a support vehicle following us for this ride, with a crew to back us up. Personally, I thought it would somewhat reduce the adventure quotient from the ride; but then again, I was not that confident of making this ride without backup.

Over time, there were others who signed up for the ride. There was Akshay, and his wife, Ramya. And then, there was this girl – HT, from Chennai; and lastly, there was Chandramouly from Mumbai. Over the next three odd months, we guys met up regularly and trained together for the Himalayan ride. Chandramouly though, trained by himself in Mumbai, as travelling to Bangalore was not an option for him. So effective was our training schedule that by the end of it, I was beaming with confidence, and I could barely wait to get on the flight and head out to the Himalayas!

So, this is my story of how it all began. It is truly remarkable that a lot of things fell in place at just about the right time. I only wonder what would have happened if I had not ridden to Hampi that weekend!

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Unlikely Marriage Proposal

I was having a web chat with a friend the other day. Here is an excerpt, if you can call it that, from it!

Me: Hey!

Now, she was away from her computer for long, and it was quite a while before she replied.

She: Yes?

Me: Ah, I forgot what I wanted to tell you! You were out for long.

She: Yes.

Me: So, done with your dinner?

She: Yes.

Me: You answered the last three of my questions with a ‘yes’. Assuming the trend will continue, can I ask you something else?!

She: Ha! Smart move, Ashwin!

Me: I just lost my chance, didn’t I?

She: You will never know!

Me: Crap, I should have just pulled a fast one on you!

Reminiscence

For the past few months, I have been obsessed with cycling. Barring, perhaps, a couple of times this year, I must have spent the reminder of the weekends cycling. I had opted out of many plans, only because it did not involve any cycling! Um, thinking about it, it was rather stupid of me to ask my friend if there was a decent trail for me to ride my bike nearby his wedding reception hall!

Anyway, yesterday, after quite a while, I caught up with the rest of the gang (who do not cycle that is) for lunch. A couple of chaotic hours and a lot more annoyed looks from the other guests at the restaurant later, we were done with lunch. None of us had anything specific to do post lunch, so we got out of the restaurant and started yakking. Since we were at a mall, the girls decided to go shopping; and us guys, well, we had to wait for the girls!

We all knew the girls would not be back for quite some time, so we decided to go bowling. After finding our way to the place (which was an adventure in itself), we figured it was closed. Technically speaking, it was not even open! Disappointed, we headed to the food court to get something to drink.

As we got to the food court, before we could place our orders, oddly enough, all we guys headed to the loo – one after another! Stranger thing was that, there was no one else in the loo except for us!

Now, I do not really know why, but as we went about doing our business, I was reminded of my college days! Even though I never kept any track of it, I suppose, back then, peeing together was almost an everyday affair! And this – was just like it! Um, except that the loo in the mall was inestimably cleaner! And that, I figured, was what made this seem so weird. I doubt if there is a single urinal in any college, without some graffiti scribbled across its walls! And that is exactly what we were missing here! Ah, the little things we take for granted! If there ever was something like a memorable pee – that was it!

In the process, I could recall the funniest graffiti I have ever read on a urinal wall. Of course, I read it in the college loo. It would be outright wrong on my part, if I did not share it with you guys! Here goes:

If your pee is clear, you are doing all right.

If your pee is a little yellow, you should drink more water.

If your pee if dark yellow, you probably have jaundice.

If your pee is red, you are in the wrong loo!

I am sure the dude could win a Nobel Prize – for literature! 

Will I Ever Learn?!

A friend of mine moved to Europe earlier this year. Our busy work schedule meant that we could not speak with each other for quite a while. But he did call me up a couple of weekends ago. He mentioned that he had intended to catch up with everyone from the gang that day. But by the time we were done speaking, he said he was going to take a nap, and that he would speak with the rest of the guys on some other day! Was that hint a little too subtle?!

Um, do you think I talk too much?!

Even though I do know the answer to that question quite well, I have asked it amidst many of my conversations. And the answer I had received, was always in the negative – until very recently that is!

I guess, my friend decided she had tolerated enough of my nonsense, and on this fine day told me – Ashwin, you talk way too much! And you never listen!

Um, here I was thinking I have a talking problem! Now I figure I have a listening problem too!

Now, to be honest, I do not think talking too much is much of a problem. It really is not. After all, talking burns a lot of energy and it helps me stay fit! Ah, here I am giving out fitness secrets – and that too for free! Um, I wonder if that was even a little bit convincing!

Anyhow, when I gave this entire thing a little thought, I figured that talking itself is not the problem. But talking without thinking – most certainly is! Do read on to find out what I mean.

--

A friend, who was seeing this guy for some time now, had recently decided to get married to him. But soon after, she was having second thoughts about it. Since I also happened to know the guy fairly well, she thought it would be wise to discuss this with me. After a rather long conversation, I made good progress in making her realise that her decision to marry him, indeed, was the right thing for her to do.

Towards the fag end of our conversation, she said:

She: Thank you, Ashwin. Talking to you, really helped.

Me: Keep the thanks in your pockets! After all, I would any day go with the devil I know, than the devil I do not!

She: And how exactly is that supposed to make me feel better?!

Me: Oh crap!

PS: You guys must know that she did end up marrying the guy!

--

A bunch of us had met up at a friend’s place. Amongst us, was this girl, who always seemed to have some weird question or the other in store for me. On this particular day, she wanted to know something about the t-shirt I was wearing.

She: Ashwin, are trying to impress girls by wearing this t-shirt, showing off your biceps?!

Me: Had I had cleavage, I would have shown it off by wearing a low neck t-shirt! But without it, I will have to do good with just this!

Surprised by the silence that followed, I glanced around the room and noticed that everyone looked dumbfounded. And everyone, including me, agreed that it was a disgusting thing for me to have said!

--

I was once out with a friend, and our conversation involved nonsense just like the other days. Somewhere along all this, we started talking about tattoos.

She: Ashwin, I want to get a tattoo.

Me: What are you going to get – a butterfly?

She: Ashwin!

Me: How about a flower?!

She: Just because I am a girl does not mean I should be getting a butterfly or a flower!

Me: Okay, then how about a dolphin?!

She: (More sternly, this time) Ashwin!

Me: Fine! How about you get a tattoo like Amitabh Bachchan in that movie that said – mera baap chor hein?!

Okay, I did get beaten up for this one!

--

There was this time I was pissed off with something and was swearing incessantly to vent out the frustration. A guy I had an acquaintance with, came by and told me this:

He: Ashwin, you are a gentleman. You should not be talking like this.

Me: You know what? I am an asshole, and when angry, I fart!

That guy did not talk to me much after that day!

--

There was this time when I was dropping a friend back to her place. She was riding pillion and perhaps, talking about all things girly. That perfectly explains why I was not paying any attention to what she was saying in the first place! Anyhow, in some time, she figured I was not listening to her.

She: Ashwin! Are you even listening to me?

Me: What were you saying?!

She: Thank goodness, we are not dating each other!

Me: Ah, never mind that! I do not date girls who are fatter than me, anyway!

Okay, that, by far, must be the stupidest thing I had ever said! I am lucky I was not murdered that day!